The Stay

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My parents had moved their motorhome up to the hospital for anyone that needed a break from the four walls of the gloomy hospital room. I didn’t think that I would end up sleeping in it as much as I actually did. I thought maybe a couple of times, but nothing more than twice a week or so. But I was wrong. I lived there. Right in the parking lot of the hospital where Clint was staying.

I woke up every morning at about 7:00, went up to the parent shower in the hospital to clean up, went to the motorhome to dry my hair and put on a little bit of makeup to help the bags under my eyes look a little less intense. After that, I went up to the room, and I was there by about 8:00. He was always still asleep, but I just sat on the side of the bed or sometimes the ground and held his hand until he woke up. I loved those couple of hours. It was so calm and peaceful. No rushing around. Just my peaceful, sleeping Clint. As soon as he woke up, there was what seemed like a line out the door of doctors wanting to come take a look at C. It lasted for hours. Every morning. By about noon, we were both pretty exhausted from repeating every symptom to every doctor and trying to remember everything they were telling us to do. I usually ended up going to the motorhome to cook me a microwavable bowl of easy mac, and having my almost daily mental breakdown. From there, I would try to clean up my act, and act like the strongest, most emotionally stable person I could possibly be, so that C didn’t know that I was absolutely FREAKING OUT inside. I would go back up to the room, and stay there for a few more hours. While I was in the room, I tried to comfort C, get his ice packs right when he needed them, make sure his Pulse Ox stayed on his finger just how tight he liked it, feed him, always keep his laundry and books organized, make sure his Xbox controllers had good batteries, make sure his phone was charged, make sure he had towels to dry off with after the shower, make sure he brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth, change his bed sheets, tell the nurse about every little new symptom that popped up, and what time, make sure he felt good about himself, and even clip his toenails while he was asleep so that it wouldn’t tickle. (haha) I would stay up there until about 11-12pm on a good night, but on the long nights, it ended up being about 1-2am.

We danced through the good days, and cried through the bad ones. And when I say danced, I mean that literally. He would play our song on his phone, ask for my hand, and we would just dance. We always got tangled in the lines from his IV pole, and ended up laughing while we tried to get out! We would take walks to the 4th floor patio just about every night. We would look out there, and wonder what our friends were doing without us. Wonder what stupid drivers we missed the chance to honk at. (haha) Wonder if anyone even noticed that we were gone. We were looking down on a world full of opportunity from the patio with a wrought iron fence holding us back.

When I got back to the motorhome every night, I would lay out my outfit for the next day, write in my journal that I would soon be giving to C, and sit alone, in the darkness and quiet until I eventually fell asleep.

Wait. Backtrack. Did I mention the journal I wrote in? Looks like I did. Ah, yes. The Journal.

Saving Money While Shopping

If you know me, you know I LOVE shopping. I can blow every last dollar, and not even be mad about it haha! (usually not a good thing;) But, since I am so skilled at shopping and spending alllll the dollars, I thought I would share with you what kind of products I like to buy at what stores.

First let’s start with clothes!

My number one is definitely Nordstrom Rack. They always have the cutest items for a really good deal! Next would probably be H&M! I love their ‘Divided’ collection, and they always have deals going on! From there, I can pretty much shop anywhere, and be happy with what I walk out with!

Next let’s talk about makeup.

Everyone loves the usual Sephora, and Ulta, but a lot of times, they will mark their stuff up a lot higher than it needs to be. These stores are great for just a quick, convenient pickup, but when it comes to saving money, I will always check amazon, and any other sites to see if the product is any cheaper, which it usually is!

Can’t skip the hair products!

This is where you can save a tooooon of money. When I’m looking for a new hair product to try, I usually go to TJMaxx, Marshalls, or any other discount retail store. They usually have name brand Products, and they are always so cheap! If you want a specific product by a specific brand, I wouldn’t go to these stores, because you never really know what they will/will not have.

I hope you all liked this, and can save some money by shopping at these places! Xoxo.

It will be OK.

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We got to the hospital, and the doctors came in to talk to us. They confirmed the bad news, and I was in shock. I had rode the entire way up to the hospital telling myself that it was wrong. It was a misdiagnosis. He didn’t deserve this, so why would it happen to him? The funny thing is, no one ‘deserves’ cancer. No one ‘earns’ it. It just happens, and it happens mostly to the good people. They said that they thought it was AML, but we still talked through all the different types of leukemias, to gear us up for the official diagnosis. They told us that they were going to do some extensive testing and we would know more in the next couple of days. There were doctors upon doctors coming in to look at his infection from the wisdom teeth, but no one seemed to be too concerned about the actual reason we were in that dark room. The cancer.

The IV team came in to hook him up to his antibiotics, and I was the one holding his hand while they poked and prodded. I couldn’t even look at him, because he was so sick, and I knew I would start crying again, but I couldn’t. I had to be strong. I had to be the one telling him that it was OK. This was so hard, because I was questioning it myself.  I was looking away, but he was groaning and gripping my hand like an alligator’s jaws latching onto its prey. It was then that I actually started trying to tell myself that this was real life, and I was never going to wake up from this nightmare. This is real. Everyone from our families started arriving, and I was just terrified. I didn’t like seeing my family all come together because of a sickness. I wished it was for a birthday, Christmas, or even the awkward family reunions would have been better. There were so many people in the hallway from both of our families, each going in to say hello to what we thought of as a dying little boy with cancer. LUCKILY, we were wrong.

I slipped out into the hallway for a minute, went over to my mom and just cried on her shoulder, hugging her. She told me that everything was going to be ok, and for some reason, I believed her. I couldn’t believe myself, or anyone else. I couldn’t even believe the doctors. If it wasn’t for those words coming out of my mom’s mouth, that night would have been a lot longer and a lot more treacherous. I went back into the room, and sat in bed with the love of my life, listening to his beating heart, and knowing, that it was going to keep beating, and it wasn’t going to stop because of this. I learned to love that little muscle. It pumped life through my love’s body. And for that, I could not be more grateful.

It was getting dark, the people were starting to go home, and C was deep in a sleep I didn’t want to wake him from. Sleeping was the only way he could find relief for the past couple of days. My mom came in and told me it was time to go home. I wasn’t ready, but when would I ever be ‘ready’? We went home that night, and I could not fall asleep. I remember fervently praying to my Heavenly Father for comfort, and peace within my heart. I finally fell asleep, for what felt like 10 minutes before it was time to get ready and start this new, terrifying chapter of my life. Our life.

Healthy Sparkling Lemonade

 

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Today I am sharing one of my favorite lemonade recipes ever! It is super healthy, and DELICIOUS!! It is a perfect summer drink, and sooooo easy to make!!! I will be sharing 2 recipes of the same drink, a single serving, and service for 5.

 

Single Serving Ingredients:

1 Cup San Pellegrino Sparkling Mineral Water

½ Cup Ice

1 Fresh Squeezed Lemon

1 ½ Tablespoons Agave Syrup

 

Directions:

Squeeze all juice out of one lemon, and set aside. In a 16 oz or larger glass, add ice, sparkling water, and agave syrup. Mix. Once that is all mixed, add your lemon juice and mix until homogeneous. Add more agave syrup to taste. If desired, garnish with lemon slices, strawberry slices, and mint leaves.

 

Large Serving Ingredients:

1 16.9 oz Bottle of San Pellegrino Sparkling Mineral Water

5 Fresh Squeezed Lemons

½ cup Agave Syrup

Ice

 

Directions:

Squeeze all juice out of 5 lemons, and set aside. In a large mixing bowl, add sparkling water and agave syrup. Mix. Once that is all mixed, add your lemon juice and mix until homogeneous. Add more agave syrup to taste. Pour over ice, and if desired, garnish with lemon slices, strawberry slices, and mint leaves.

 

I hope you all enjoy this recipe!

xoxo.

5 Must Have Beauty Products

Ok, so what are “must haves”? What defines that? Personally, I think a must have is something you use almost every, if not every, day. I am going to share a few of my favorites, that I use on a daily basis. Like, Every. Single. Day.

  1. Before I put on any makeup for the day, I make sure my lips are smooth as a baby’s bottom haha! There is one simple fix that I use almost every day to take off any dead skin, and to smooth out chapped lips. It is the best lip exfoliator I have ever used, and I have tried soooo many, because I have the most chapped lips at any given time! It is just called the ‘Lip Exfoliator’ by e.l.f.! It is a drugstore product, so you can pick this up at Target, CVS, Walgreens, Ulta, and just about anywhere else. This product is also only $2.99, so it is a steal! I just put it on my lips, and rub my lips every couple of seconds while I apply all my other makeup. By the time I am done with everything else, I wipe off the sugar, and I am ready to apply lipstick or lipgloss! This also helps the lip product to stay on for a lot longer!                                   Click HERE to shop!
  2. I could not live without my NYX Whipped Fouette! It is amazing! Not to mention it is only $5.99!!! This product stays on your face all day, and they have so many different shades! I use it in the shade ‘Plush’ and it goes perfect with my skintone! I put some on my cheeks, and blend it with a stippling brush, (here) and for a light pink lip, I apply it after my look is complete, as the finishing step! I LOVE THIS PRODUCT and you can find it at Ulta and CVS!                                                                        Click HERE to shop!
  3. I don’t like to go too heavy on the eyeshadow, but I do like a little pop behind my lashes to give my eyes some definition. Since I don’t use too many colors, I LOVE the ‘Naked2 Basics’ palette by Urban Decay. This palette has all the perfect colors for a simple everyday look, as well as a few darker colors for a night out! My favorite everyday colors in this palette are ‘Skimp’ and ‘Cover’. For my dressier looks, I usually turn to ‘Stark’, ‘Cover’ and ‘Undone’. This palette is on the higher end of makeup, but is still affordable for all the product you are getting, and how long it will last! It runs at $29.00, and you can get it at any Ulta or Sephora!                               Click HERE to shop!
  4. For my lashes, I usually have extensions, but when I don’t, I use Benefits ‘They’re Real’ mascara in the shade black! This seriously makes your lashes look fake, and I love it! It stays on alllll day! It is especially good for people with medium to long lashes, because it holds them up, so it doesn’t feel so heavy, and your lashes don’t block your vision from weighing down so low! This product has two sizes, a trial size for $12.00, and a full size for $24.00! Totally worth the price!!                                   Click HERE to shop!
  5. For my brows, I have been obsessed with the Anastasia Beverly Hills ‘Brow Wiz’ in the shade ‘Chocolate’. I use this every single day! It makes your brows look so thick and full, and it is soooo easy to use! Brows have always intimidated me, but when I got this product, I knew I could feel confident, because the product does most of the work!! This product is $21.00 and trust me when I say this last forever!!!!! I can go like 9+ months without having to buy it again and I use it every single day, so that is saying something! I have tried so many brow products, but this one is by far the best! You can also get this one at any Sephora or Ulta!                                                         Click HERE to shop!

I hope you like all these products as much as me! If you have any questions, or anything feel free to let me know, and I can try to answer them!!

xoxo.

Cancer.

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“There are moments that mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same, and time is divided into two parts. Before this and after this.” -Unknown

6/6/16. Clint had his wisdom teeth taken out three days previous, but there was just something wrong. Restless nights, swelling was not going down at all, and the pain was excruciating. Watching him sit in bed, groaning and holding his mouth wondering what was wrong, was the worst thing. When he could manage the pain and fall asleep for a few minutes, I would sit in the pitch black, looking up every symptom that he was having, and crying at the thoughts that were being brought into my mind by the terrible “internet diagnoses”.

The morning of June 6, 2016 the oral surgeon whom had performed the wisdom tooth extraction called in an order to go have some blood drawn. By this time, he had been going back and forth from the oral surgeon’s office, and his home. They had decided that there was an infection in his mouth, so they sliced his cheek to see if the infection would drain out, but nothing came out. The pain was worsening, and so were our thoughts. We went into the hospital for the blood work, and C could not stop groaning, and crying. He felt nauseous, and was in an unbearably uncomfortable state. We went back home and waited for the phone call holding the results.

At about 4:00 pm that day, we got the phone call. The doctor told us that he wanted us to talk in person, so we agreed upon meeting at the office at 5:00. We walked into the office, and the doctor looked at us with such a sad look. He took us to the back room, and sat us down to talk. The room was dimly lit, and Clint sat in the procedure chair in the center of the room. His mom and I were sitting in the chairs placed on either side of him. The doctor told us that the blood in Clint’s body did NOT look good, and something was terribly wrong. I was thinking maybe the infection had spread, or he would need to have another surgery, but nothing could have prepared me for the words that came out of that doctor’s mouth. He said that his white blood cell count was extremely low, along with his platelets and hemoglobin. He informed us that they had taken a deeper look at the cells, and everything they saw was pointing to Leukemia, and that we needed to get up to the closest children’s hospital immediately. I was in shock. Out of all the “internet diagnoses” I had read of, and prepared myself for, I never once saw anything that said it could be cancerous.

I could not wrap my head around it. I didn’t even shed a tear in that room. It was when I was walking out, seeing the man I loved the most in a wheelchair barely able to speak, and surely unable to walk. I followed the doctor and C out of the room, and that was when it hit me. I was walking behind cancer. Cancer. CANCER. I walked out, and helped C get into the car. I turned around and collapsed. In the middle of the parking lot. I called my mom and told her the news through my sobbing. This is all a dream right? This isn’t real. Cancer doesn’t really happen to healthy, active people. It is a misdiagnosis. This doctor has no idea what he is talking about. -But, he does.

A Little About Me

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Hi!!! My name is Britt, and have always wanted to be a blogger, so here I am! Some people might say my life is boring, but most say I have a pretty unique life. I have been encouraged to blog a lot, so I figured I might as well give it a try while I have a little down time, which I will explain why I have so much “down time” in my next post. Anyways, let’s get to a couple of facts about me!

  1. I am from Utah… in case you’re wondering what state that is in, Utah actually IS a state haha!
  2. I am 18 years old, but wish I was 16 again. I’d do anything to go back!
  3. I have never been on another date with anyone other than my boyfriend that I have right now.
  4. My boyfriend and I seem to reeeeally like each other, so we have been dating since October 4, 2014.
  5. I. LOVE. PUPPES.
  6. The biggest addiction I’ve ever had, was to Sprite. I kinda love it.
  7. I am obsessed with the Dr. Phil Show. Sometimes I watch it and fold laundry at the same time, which makes me feel like I am a 30-year-old stay at home mom!!
  8. I have always wanted a long sleeve wedding dress, like, ever since I was really young! It definitely sparked from watching “The Little Mermaid” as a young kid, and loving her haha!
  9. My biggest fear of all time is snakes. Can you say EEEEWWWWWWWW??!?!?!
  10. My zodiac sign is Cancer, which is actually pretty coincidental. (I’ll share in my next post.)
  11. My family always have been my best friends!
  12. I am the oldest kid in my family, and I have two little sisters!
  13. I have a weak stomach, and lose my appetite over pretty much anything when I am eating, and get informed or see something yucky!
  14. For my 18th birthday, all I asked for was a Costco Card, and I definitely got that baby in my wallet now!
  15. I used to care a lot about what people thought of me, but I have recently discovered that my “Give a Damn” is breaking, and it feels real nice! haha!!

I will be posting again in the next couple of days, so STAY TUUUUNED!!!!!

xoxo.